dont feed me what you've been taught, indulge me with what you know.
<Mz. Write4U>

Church Around the World

Check out and join the Church Around the World website today! Discuss world issues and grow in your relationship with God with like-minded people.

Little Bit Scared ...

Its been a while since I've posted. A lot has been going on in that time. I'm not going to write about all of that today. I have other things that I need to get off of my chest.

I want to go back to school but I have a few factors working against me right now. The main one being that I've lost my job so I have no income. I've applied for a job in several places but I've come up with nothing so far. And, because I've no formal education, I can't apply for jobs that I'd be so qualified for if I had a college education.

So, I want to go back to school. And I'm really scared that I might fail at this. Last time I tried to go back, I had to quit in the middle of the semester for financial reasons. If I had it to do all over again, I would have toughed it out. I really dropped the ball on that one.

I'm not sure what else to do. I'm really upset right now. I just needed to blog about it. Hopefully someone "hears" me and has a suggestion or two.

I've already started my FAFSA app. But, I'm concerned about getting enough money to pay for at least a semester so that I won't have to come out of pocket right away. Heck, if I could get Uncle Sam to pay for a whole YEAR I'd be home free.

I'm so scared I could cry. And I ought to know better but still ... this is scary.

I'm going to an open house at the school of my choice on Monday. Undoubtedly, I'll be the oldest potential student there and the only one without her mommy and daddy. *sigh*

Grrr ...

When It Pours ...

When I first moved to Phoenix, AZ everyone there would go on and on about what they call "monsoon season." Being a born and raised midwestern girl and knowing a thing or two about storms, I had no choice but to take their word for it and wait for the dreaded monsoon season to hungrily swallow up the Valley of the Sun. But, when I was finally able to witness one of these dreaded monsoons, I ended up turning to those people and laughing!

"THIS is a monsoon?" I giggled. "You haven't seen a real storm until you've lived in the Midwest."

In fact, the only things that were impressive about a rainstorm in Phoenix, AZ were the dust storms that preceded a rainstorm and the fact that it rained there at all. And, I have to admit that I would stand outside and watch dust storms approach whenever I had the chance. Imagine a huge reddish brown cloud of desert soil and small rocks that seems to rise all the way up to the sky literally rolling toward you at several miles per hour. Believe it or not, I found it beautiful ... this, after all, is not something you see before a storm in the midwest.

No, other than the dust storms, rainstorms in Phoenix did not impress me at all and everyone there thought I was crazy. I had to remind them that I am, after all, from a city on the outskirts of Tornado Alley. I'm from an area where tornado sirens are as necessary as smoke detectors! Gimme a break, lol!Now, I'm back home in the Midwest and today its raining outside. I smiled as I listened to the rain beating against the window panes. The outside was really raging and I smiled as I remembered monsoon season in Phoenix. *sigh*What I wouldn't give to trade a "midwestern tornado weather" for a "Valley of the Sun Monsoon Season" when it comes to the storms of life. Now, I know that there are others experiencing far worse than I am right now. I also know that God will not put more on you than your shoulders can bear. Now, I'm flattered that the Lord thinks so highly of my strength and I will not complain about that fact (at least I'm trying not to) but whew ... Jesus, can I get a break, huh?

Everything seems to be going wrong ya'll. Have you ever had one of those domino effect experiences where one thing went wrong and it effected something else and that went wrong and it effected something and THAT went wrong and so on and so forth? Or how about this ... have you ever had an experience where you could fix what went wrong but all of a sudden the resources you needed to fix the situation suddenly dried up and disappeared? Okay ... well magnify that by ten ... maybe twenty and you have what I'm going through.

On the one hand, I would like to break down and have a good cry about it. But, on the other, I just can't do that. Its like something on the inside is telling me, "Eb, its not that serious. Keep it movin' ..." And when I tell you it really is that serious ...I need a miracle because right now, my situation is completely impossible. No really ... its impossible, no exaggeration. Yet, everything within me knows that its going to be alright and I can't, I just cannot panic. Its not a foreign feeling ... but still ... I just have no idea how I'm going to get out of this.

But, God is real. He is so real. And He specializes in impossible situations. So, I'm choosing to trust in Him inspite of what I see around me. I'm choosing to trust in Him inspite of what my family and friends think. They aren't supportive as I'd like them to be when it comes to my faith but I'm not living for God for them so in essence I guess I shouldn't really care, huh?

In a nutshell, the rain is pouring in my life right now. And its not a monsoon ... its a full blown midwestern, you're-probably-going-to-wake-up-in-the-land-of-Oz type storm. And, I am choosing to stand in the eye of that storm, shake my fist at it and remind it that even though its a big one ... my GOD is bigger.

Can I get a witness????

I'm Kissing Dating Goodbye

I've always believed and said that succumbing to loneliness can cause one to be deceived thus doing and/or putting up with things that they otherwise would not. As this year comes to a swift close, I have realized that I almost let loneliness "do-me-in."
Don't get me wrong, I am content being a single woman. I enjoy being free from the added issues that often come with being in a relationship. However, I've been single for a while now and I was starting to feel like it was about that time to get back on the "dating grind."Now, my friends can tell you that when it comes to dating I am not for any kind of foolishness whatsoever. Once I detect an ounce of anything that I am not willing to put up with, I give 'em the boot without even bothering to take the time to write up walking papers. HOLLA ... VAMOOSE ... SEENT'CHA! Me being something of a serial dater has been a running joke amongst close friends for a while now. I'm seeing now that this "serial dating" did more harm than good.
By veto-ing one guy then almost immediately moving on to the next potential suitor tacked on stress and drama to my life that I could have done without. It was completely unnecessary and totally avoidable. Looking back on it now, I was tripping hard all because I thought it was about that time for me to be un-single. And look ... I'm still single. But, I'm a lot wiser than when I first began my journey through this year.
The last guy I dated was darn near close to perfect. Physically, he was my type. He had a great sense of humor and we seemed to bond really well. But, just as quick as they started things came to a screeching halt and, with little explanation, we parted ways and haven't spoken since. I was disappointed by this but, when I sat down to have an honest talk with myself, I knew half-way through our first date that he wasn't the one. I knew that I wouldn't be able to make a life with him and, at the most, we'd probably end up being nothing more than just friends. But, you know how it is when you don't want to entertain the truth so you shrug it off? Man, was I tripping!
So, here I am single. But, this time I'm single with a better understanding of who I am on the inside and the type of man that would truly compliment me in every way. And, until I meet him, I'm not dating anymore. Sound extreme? I don't think so. Having a clear understanding of what it is that you want and need before its even presented to you eliminates a lot of heartache and wasted time.
So, I've made it clear to myself what it is that I want and, until I see it, I'm on "love lockdown." And I don't have a problem with that at all.I believe that we'll know each other when we see each other. I'll rest in that knowledge while I allow God to make me a better woman. That should have been my focus all along.
And, whose to say that I haven't already met "the one." When the time is right, everything will fall into place and I'll be glad I waited. I'll be glad I chose to focus on my relationship with God and not worry about a relationship with a man. I'll be glad I chose to focus on bettering myself and preparing myself for my future. I'll be glad that I didn't settle. I'll be SO glad that I didn't settle.