Friendship Most Foul

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVJBhDoGapM


When a friend betrays you its like someone sucker punched you in the belly after you've eaten a huge meal. It hurts. Its unexpected and because of it, things from the past just start to come up. Then you begin to clearly see all of the warning signs you didn't heed before and you're left feeling naked, exposed and as though everyone knows the dirty little secrets you shared with your foul friend in the whispers of the night.

Today I learned that someone I called friend has been betraying me for years. From keeping secrets that weren't meant to be kept to betraying my confidence by repeating some very personal things that I shared with her.

When I learned of these things all I could do was cry those hot angry tears. Those tears that say,"I'm not sad, I'm pissed the hell off and if you know what's good for you, you'd scram until my eyes are dry again!"
I won't lie. I suspected that she was phony. So, stopped speaking to her in confidence and limited the time I spent with her. But, my suspicions weren't confirmed until today and what I had hoped was just me being paranoid is a bona fide reality.

I was her ace. When her childhood friends didn't even come through for her, I was there. None of them came through for her when she celebrated some of her biggest achievements, but I was there. I offered my help whenever I knew she needed it or might need it. They did not. Yet, she runs the streets with the ones who don't give a crap about her and she craps on the one who did care about her. I don't get that.

Don't get me wrong, now. I could care less what she thinks of me. But, when I think of the things I shared in confidence with her, I shudder. When I think of the emotional trauma she watched me walk through, I cringe. I shudder and cringe because she's walking around betraying my confidence. What is she saying to the people that I don't know ... the people that she's introduced me to ... the people that I've laughed and joked with as though I didn't have a clue, because I didn't. What? What? What?

I pray to God that I don't run into her anytime soon. Right now, I don't know what I might say out of anger and hurt. I'd much rather have a chance to calm down, put things into perspective and brush my shoulders off. Yes, I'm hurt but I don't want to stoop to her level and retaliate in a like manner.

I think the better person to be is the bigger person. The bigger person has control of his/her emotions. The bigger person knows that, in the end, opinions are only opinions and the only thing that matters in life is how you're living and how God views said living. The bigger person is sure of him/herself and doesn't need the positive opinion of friends to validate him/her. The bigger person knows when to let go ...

And, without opening him/herself up to more of the same, the bigger person simply ... forgives.