Sneezy

This is what I look like just before I sneeze! LOL ... I took this picture in my car. It was such a cute ugly picture that I just didn't have the heart to delete it. Not all a person's pics have to be good ones, huh?!

Pay It Forward

After the rough week I had, I was very excited to go to church and enjoy being around the good-hearted people I know there. I actually got there an hour early with the intention of taking advantage of the free St. Louis Bread Company coffee and bagels they always provide in the lobby before church starts (those of you not from Missouri, you may know the Bread Co. as Panera). Instead of enjoying the bagels and coffee, however, I ended up going into the auditorium, sitting toward the front and listening to the band as they practiced before service started.

While I sat there I began to reflect on my week, how hard it had been and the things that triggered me being down-in-the-dumps for the entire seven days. I came to the conclusion that there were several things I could have done to prevent feeling the way I was feeling. For example, I could have stayed away from a few of the negative people I came across and I could have chosen not to entertain some really dismal conversations from a few friends. I've come to the realization that I can't help everyone and those that I try to help are going to do what they want to do anyway so why get caught up in their affairs when I have my own to tend to?

Don't get me wrong, I love my friends but sometimes ... psssh! Especially when their mood begins to effect my own ... *rolls eyes*

So anyway ... I saved seats for my family and I and waited for church to start. That first picture you see is a picture of the stage/pulpit. The banner reads "Pay It Forward." Basically, the church members are being encouraged to "pay-it-forward" by being a blessing to others in their everyday life ... not just during the holidays.

The "Pay It Forward" message was very touching to me because I feel my happiest when I'm helping people and making a difference in their life. It'd be so nice if the entire world adhered to such a philosophy. I think that maybe we'd all be a lot happier and the prescribing and sale of various anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medications would decline.

In the lobby of the church is the "Pay It Forward" tree. On each ornament is the name of a family in need. Families from my church have been encouraged to go to the tree, pick a family and bless them with things they need this holiday season. I'm tearing up at the thought because I know that right now there are a lot of families in need. The economy is bad, people are losing their jobs and homes, the children are hungry and cold. So, I think this tree and encouraging people to pay it forward everyday is great and I hope that everyone adheres to it, even when its hard. Because, I know when I'm in need ... I mean in REAL need ... I don't want someone to not help me just because its a little inconvenient for them at the time. That doesn't feel good!

So, I'm going to apply this message to my life ... my everyday. I feel better and happier when I know that my actions have enhanced the day and/or life of another. I work in retail ... its the holiday season ... you can imagine how much practice I'm going to get right? Ha ha ha ...

Don't forget to Pay-it-Forward ... today and always!

Friendship Most Foul

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVJBhDoGapM


When a friend betrays you its like someone sucker punched you in the belly after you've eaten a huge meal. It hurts. Its unexpected and because of it, things from the past just start to come up. Then you begin to clearly see all of the warning signs you didn't heed before and you're left feeling naked, exposed and as though everyone knows the dirty little secrets you shared with your foul friend in the whispers of the night.

Today I learned that someone I called friend has been betraying me for years. From keeping secrets that weren't meant to be kept to betraying my confidence by repeating some very personal things that I shared with her.

When I learned of these things all I could do was cry those hot angry tears. Those tears that say,"I'm not sad, I'm pissed the hell off and if you know what's good for you, you'd scram until my eyes are dry again!"
I won't lie. I suspected that she was phony. So, stopped speaking to her in confidence and limited the time I spent with her. But, my suspicions weren't confirmed until today and what I had hoped was just me being paranoid is a bona fide reality.

I was her ace. When her childhood friends didn't even come through for her, I was there. None of them came through for her when she celebrated some of her biggest achievements, but I was there. I offered my help whenever I knew she needed it or might need it. They did not. Yet, she runs the streets with the ones who don't give a crap about her and she craps on the one who did care about her. I don't get that.

Don't get me wrong, now. I could care less what she thinks of me. But, when I think of the things I shared in confidence with her, I shudder. When I think of the emotional trauma she watched me walk through, I cringe. I shudder and cringe because she's walking around betraying my confidence. What is she saying to the people that I don't know ... the people that she's introduced me to ... the people that I've laughed and joked with as though I didn't have a clue, because I didn't. What? What? What?

I pray to God that I don't run into her anytime soon. Right now, I don't know what I might say out of anger and hurt. I'd much rather have a chance to calm down, put things into perspective and brush my shoulders off. Yes, I'm hurt but I don't want to stoop to her level and retaliate in a like manner.

I think the better person to be is the bigger person. The bigger person has control of his/her emotions. The bigger person knows that, in the end, opinions are only opinions and the only thing that matters in life is how you're living and how God views said living. The bigger person is sure of him/herself and doesn't need the positive opinion of friends to validate him/her. The bigger person knows when to let go ...

And, without opening him/herself up to more of the same, the bigger person simply ... forgives.

Good morning guys! I'm just laying around as I work up the motivation to get out of bed and get ready for an afternoon of holiday shopping fun for all except me and my co-workers! I work in retail and, as you can probably imagine, working retail during the holiday season is ... well I'm not really sure there is a word to describe it ... At least not an appropriate one. So, Im just laying here with my laptop being lazy at 11am and looking at the blogs I follow. As you might be able to tell from the pic I'm looking at the blog 'Now What.' A very randomly hilarious blog that I recommend you follow. I enjoy it. Well, I guess I've stalled enough ... I GUESS I'd better get moving. I GUESS I will ... right after this 15 minute catnap! Ha! I'll see you guys later on this evening when I return from work. I plan to finish my story so stay tuned. *Hugs* Ebony

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A Goodnight Pic

Hey everybody! I haven't written in a couple of days (I know shame on me). I just wanted to check in, say hello and let you guys know that I am okay. I really appreciate the love you guys have shown me as I have begun to share my story. I also encourage you to come back because, as you already know, I still have more to tell. Nevertheless, I am so overwhelmed by the wonderful messages, comments, emails, etc. that I have received from you all and I want you guys to know that I care about you too! So, thanks again and I'll be back tomorrow with more to share. You guys are great!

*Hugs*
Ebony

p.s. I took this picture a few moments ago just before I slid into my nice warm (aka buried beneath a mountain of comforters) bed. Now, my laptop and I are snuggled up real close ... yes, my laptop comes to bed with me (ha ... its better than my roommate's cat sneaking into my room in the middle of the night and hogging my my blankets 'til the morning--darn cat!).