When It Pours ...

When I first moved to Phoenix, AZ everyone there would go on and on about what they call "monsoon season." Being a born and raised midwestern girl and knowing a thing or two about storms, I had no choice but to take their word for it and wait for the dreaded monsoon season to hungrily swallow up the Valley of the Sun. But, when I was finally able to witness one of these dreaded monsoons, I ended up turning to those people and laughing!

"THIS is a monsoon?" I giggled. "You haven't seen a real storm until you've lived in the Midwest."

In fact, the only things that were impressive about a rainstorm in Phoenix, AZ were the dust storms that preceded a rainstorm and the fact that it rained there at all. And, I have to admit that I would stand outside and watch dust storms approach whenever I had the chance. Imagine a huge reddish brown cloud of desert soil and small rocks that seems to rise all the way up to the sky literally rolling toward you at several miles per hour. Believe it or not, I found it beautiful ... this, after all, is not something you see before a storm in the midwest.

No, other than the dust storms, rainstorms in Phoenix did not impress me at all and everyone there thought I was crazy. I had to remind them that I am, after all, from a city on the outskirts of Tornado Alley. I'm from an area where tornado sirens are as necessary as smoke detectors! Gimme a break, lol!Now, I'm back home in the Midwest and today its raining outside. I smiled as I listened to the rain beating against the window panes. The outside was really raging and I smiled as I remembered monsoon season in Phoenix. *sigh*What I wouldn't give to trade a "midwestern tornado weather" for a "Valley of the Sun Monsoon Season" when it comes to the storms of life. Now, I know that there are others experiencing far worse than I am right now. I also know that God will not put more on you than your shoulders can bear. Now, I'm flattered that the Lord thinks so highly of my strength and I will not complain about that fact (at least I'm trying not to) but whew ... Jesus, can I get a break, huh?

Everything seems to be going wrong ya'll. Have you ever had one of those domino effect experiences where one thing went wrong and it effected something else and that went wrong and it effected something and THAT went wrong and so on and so forth? Or how about this ... have you ever had an experience where you could fix what went wrong but all of a sudden the resources you needed to fix the situation suddenly dried up and disappeared? Okay ... well magnify that by ten ... maybe twenty and you have what I'm going through.

On the one hand, I would like to break down and have a good cry about it. But, on the other, I just can't do that. Its like something on the inside is telling me, "Eb, its not that serious. Keep it movin' ..." And when I tell you it really is that serious ...I need a miracle because right now, my situation is completely impossible. No really ... its impossible, no exaggeration. Yet, everything within me knows that its going to be alright and I can't, I just cannot panic. Its not a foreign feeling ... but still ... I just have no idea how I'm going to get out of this.

But, God is real. He is so real. And He specializes in impossible situations. So, I'm choosing to trust in Him inspite of what I see around me. I'm choosing to trust in Him inspite of what my family and friends think. They aren't supportive as I'd like them to be when it comes to my faith but I'm not living for God for them so in essence I guess I shouldn't really care, huh?

In a nutshell, the rain is pouring in my life right now. And its not a monsoon ... its a full blown midwestern, you're-probably-going-to-wake-up-in-the-land-of-Oz type storm. And, I am choosing to stand in the eye of that storm, shake my fist at it and remind it that even though its a big one ... my GOD is bigger.

Can I get a witness????

I'm Kissing Dating Goodbye

I've always believed and said that succumbing to loneliness can cause one to be deceived thus doing and/or putting up with things that they otherwise would not. As this year comes to a swift close, I have realized that I almost let loneliness "do-me-in."
Don't get me wrong, I am content being a single woman. I enjoy being free from the added issues that often come with being in a relationship. However, I've been single for a while now and I was starting to feel like it was about that time to get back on the "dating grind."Now, my friends can tell you that when it comes to dating I am not for any kind of foolishness whatsoever. Once I detect an ounce of anything that I am not willing to put up with, I give 'em the boot without even bothering to take the time to write up walking papers. HOLLA ... VAMOOSE ... SEENT'CHA! Me being something of a serial dater has been a running joke amongst close friends for a while now. I'm seeing now that this "serial dating" did more harm than good.
By veto-ing one guy then almost immediately moving on to the next potential suitor tacked on stress and drama to my life that I could have done without. It was completely unnecessary and totally avoidable. Looking back on it now, I was tripping hard all because I thought it was about that time for me to be un-single. And look ... I'm still single. But, I'm a lot wiser than when I first began my journey through this year.
The last guy I dated was darn near close to perfect. Physically, he was my type. He had a great sense of humor and we seemed to bond really well. But, just as quick as they started things came to a screeching halt and, with little explanation, we parted ways and haven't spoken since. I was disappointed by this but, when I sat down to have an honest talk with myself, I knew half-way through our first date that he wasn't the one. I knew that I wouldn't be able to make a life with him and, at the most, we'd probably end up being nothing more than just friends. But, you know how it is when you don't want to entertain the truth so you shrug it off? Man, was I tripping!
So, here I am single. But, this time I'm single with a better understanding of who I am on the inside and the type of man that would truly compliment me in every way. And, until I meet him, I'm not dating anymore. Sound extreme? I don't think so. Having a clear understanding of what it is that you want and need before its even presented to you eliminates a lot of heartache and wasted time.
So, I've made it clear to myself what it is that I want and, until I see it, I'm on "love lockdown." And I don't have a problem with that at all.I believe that we'll know each other when we see each other. I'll rest in that knowledge while I allow God to make me a better woman. That should have been my focus all along.
And, whose to say that I haven't already met "the one." When the time is right, everything will fall into place and I'll be glad I waited. I'll be glad I chose to focus on my relationship with God and not worry about a relationship with a man. I'll be glad I chose to focus on bettering myself and preparing myself for my future. I'll be glad that I didn't settle. I'll be SO glad that I didn't settle.

These pics aren't the greatest but I just had to share. I took these with my camera phone on Sunday morning. A group of children from the church sang a special happy birthday song for Jesus in front of the church ... equipped with party hats and colorful noise makers, it was the cutest thing. Aaaah ... I love kids!

Ain't It Funny ...

I wouldn't necessarily tag today as a bad day. Although a few negative things did take place, I was prepared and faced them head on. I won't get into the details. Suffice it to say that you probably wouldn't blame me if I just shut off my cellphone and all of the lights, crawled into bed and buried myself under the comforters indefinitely (well that's a little dramatic but you get my drift). Funny thing is, as I was driving home from work, I couldn't shake this feeling that everything was going to be just fine.

I'm a praying woman so I prayed. I asked for strength. I asked for the ability to keep it moving forward. And I asked for an expectant heart ... a heart that is optimistic against all odds. I believe my prayers were answered. Believe me, I know that there are people a lot worse off than me. I know that I am fortunate in so many ways. Still there are some things that are lacking in my life ... yet, I know its going to be just fine.

When I got home it seemed like someone had broken into my house and rigged it to remind me just how okay everything is going to be. Of course I don't mean someone broke into my house literally ... but here's what I mean ...

When I got home I went into my bedroom and began sorting things for laundry tomorrow. I pushed the play button on my stereo not knowing which CD was loaded in the disc changer and began pulling my sheets off of the bed. Just as I was about to start thinking negatively the voice of gospel singer, Tamela Mann, told me "I have a feeling that everything's gonna be alright!" I smiled at that.

Then, I went into my closet to search for a specific book that I'd packed up before I moved to this place. And I came across a cassette tape of a woman's conference I had attended several years ago. The title of the tape was "Things Will Work Out." I laughed at that.

I know that things are going to work out in my favor. I am going to stay positive and I'm going to get through this like I've gotten through far worse.

Just thought I'd share.

Be Sweet,
Ebony

BEST DATE EVER!!!!!

Well, its after 4 a.m. and I'm just now getting settled into bed for a few hours before I have to get right back up again. I returned home about an hour and a half ago from the most amazing date I've had in a long time. In fact, I can't remember when I'd ever been on a date this amazing. He didn't do anything super spectacular, it was just a really beautiful evening.

We both love sushi so we agreed to meet up at one of my fave sushi restaurants for dinner and drinks. I ran into a few snags and ended up being an hour and a half late in meeting him. I could tell that he was slightly irritated by my extreme tardiness but I loved how he kept reassuring me that everything was okay and that he wasn't holding it against me. He said, "Ebony, it could have been worse. You could have been speeding down the highway on the way to meet me and gotten in a car accident and killed yourself! Trust me, its okay." I was thankful that he wanted to remain positive rather than dwell on my being late (thank God, because I can't tell you how horrible I felt about it).

The sushi restaurant we were going to is located in a plaza that's full of restaurants, a dance club and a large hotel with restaurants inside of it. So there is plenty to do around this place. When we got to the sushi restaurant we discovered that there would be a forty-five to sixty minute wait for a table! He offered to wait if I wanted to wait since we had both wanted sushi so bad. But he'd waited so patiently for me that I decided we should go somewhere else to eat. I couldn't make him wait to eat any longer. So, we decided to go to a mexican restaurant instead.

The food wasn't all that great but the conversation was wonderful because it was free-flowing and comfortable. It didn't feel like this was our first date. It felt like we were good friends who were evolving into something more. It was like we were in each other's heads the entire conversation ... we have a lot in common and didn't run out of things to talk about at all.

Our conversation went on until we looked up and noticed we were the only ones left in the non-smoking section of the restaurant and we didn't see many people over in the smoking section or at the bar. The restaurant was closing. I was disappointed because I didn't want the date to end but it was getting late and the restaurant was closing ... so ...

Then he said, "So where do you want to go now?" I hadn't thought about that. I only knew that I didn't want the date to end.

We ended up going to a sports bar that wasn't far from the sushi restaurant in the same plaza. There we found a nice quiet corner surrounded by flat screen tv's and talked until the whole place shut down at one o'clock in the morning.

THEEEEEEEEEEEEEN ....

I couldn't remember where I parked so I had to get in his car and drive around looking for it ... (lol ... i know, i know). We found my car, parked next to it and sat in the car and talked for another hour until we both got sleepy and had to end the conversation.

Like I said, nothing spectacular happened ... it was just an amazing date because its been such a long time since I've felt that comfortable with a person ... laughing with him and talking about deep things with him ... it was nice.

Thanks for listening ... this blog was totally random and pointless to you guys probably ... but I just had to gush about my date before I started counting sheep!

*big cheesy grin*